As another birthday is barreling towards me, I have once again been reminded of how fickle mortality can be and how swiftly that Scythe swings down….
Death has taken many people from me over the last 30 or so years now. My father, My daughter, My grandparents (both sets), various aunts, uncles, cousins and even the occasional friend.
Like this week…….
But it was different this time. One of my co workers collapsed while loading his truck for the deliveries he was going to be doing the next day. One moment working… Next moment slumped in the arms of another co worker.
It was surreal, watching another co worker perform CPR, then the firemen and paramedics start doing what they are trained to do, the sound of the AED as it followed its programming. Then watching the ambulance pull out of the parking lot, siren wailing….
The next morning I had to take the van they were working on and do the run he was preparing to do. I found out shortly after I left for the run, he didn’t make it thru the night. Seeing how my first stop was almost 2 hours away, it unfortunately gave me time to think and replay everything in my head. Not a good thing, but at least I realize that I am a better Monday Morning Armchair Quarterback then anything else.
And to be honest it doesn’t help at all.
Its like making New Years Resolutions, (should actually call these New Death Resolutions) except they are done with more urgency and a bit of fear.
You know the things I am talking about, the things you tell yourself, like….
I am going to start exercising
I am going to quit smoking (which I did 5 weeks ago yesterday…. and have made it thru this so far without buying a pack or bumming a smoke off of someone)
I am going to start going to Church
I am going to be a better person
I am going to tell myself, I am going to do all these things and so much more, but New Death Resolutions are very much like a New Years Resolution, give it a month and its either forgotten about or not even started.
So your probably asking yourself by now, how does Franks birthday tie into this?
Good question and here is your answer.
Mostly timing. Tomorrow I am officially (I think officially not sure tho lol) on the down hill slope and starting my 51st year of being a boring pain in the ass.
I cant stop thinking about my own mortality. I am over 50, my heart isn’t in the best shape, at least 20 years of smoking, overweight, high blood pressure and Lord knows what else is wrong with me. other then the obvious and ya’all dont need to pipe in about it lol
I am going to make a few New Death/Birthday resolutions…..
I am going to continue shooting pictures
I am going to continue being a boring pain in the ass
I am going to improve my photography skills more
I am going to actually sell more then one or two prints
I am going to become more known for my photography
I am going to do something very significant
I am going to stop thinking of things to do now and actually get a bit more serious before I finish this set of ramblings.
What happened Tuesday was a first for all of us at work, but for a couple of us, not the first time we had lost a family member or friend. Unfortunately it was the first time having to deal with a loss that happened so fast and unexpectedly and they are having a difficult time right now, so I thought I would share some websites with ya’all.
This page is a good starting point
This one is on coping with reminders
This is about Sudden or Unexpected Death
The important thing is to not to be afraid to ask for or look for help. You are not alone.